The Head Judge

The Head Judge

Image by Still Unique Photography

I live with a judge who is a real hard ass; there is not a bit of leniency in him.  He scrutinizes every thought and passes judgment on my every move.  Though he has many pet phrases he likes to use, such as, what should you be doing, you better get busy and make some progress, you need to be doing something worthwhile, etc., his three favorite words are:  NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  These words echo in my head at least a hundred times a day.

The idea that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing is a totally foreign concept to him, especially if I am not doing something productive, which by his standards means earning money, helping others, or producing something useful. Unless I am actively doing one or more of these, then it’s just not good enough, and if I am not careful, he’ll pronounce with a bang that I’m not good enough.

Living with him is very stressful; I can never just relax and be.  I always feel I have to be working, improving, and moving forward.  Instead of a gavel, he uses guilt to control me.  He is constantly in my face telling me that I can’t slack off or I will never reach my goals and if I don’t reach my goals, then I’m a lazy failure. He warns that if I waste time, I’ll end up doing nothing of any value or worth, such as earning money or helping others. And if I do nothing of value or worth, then I have no value or worth.  He is ever so quick to remind me that I don’t want to end up like that!

This judge has a way of turning the idea of embracing my passion, expressing myself creatively, and sharing this with others into a forced labor situation requiring unrelenting perseverance on my part. There can be no breaks to read a book, or do something non-work related during the week.  Each moment needs to be centered on moving forward and pushing ahead. I have to be focused, to have a plan, and to accomplish something specific. By the end of the day, I better darn well make sure that I made some documented progress, or there’s gonna be hell to pay!

Needless to say, the judge and I are not getting along very well. It’s blatantly clear, that one of us needs to leave, and I know for damn sure, it’s not going to be me.  I’m done with his threats, guilt, and criticism. He’s managed to turn what was once a positive, joyful venture into a negative, nerve-racking chore.  I think he may be on to me because it looks like he has stepped out for a few minutes, probably to refuel. So if you’ll excuse me, I am going improve my situation, make some real progress, and accomplish something of true value and worth…. I’m gonna quickly pack up his crap and kick his ass outta here!

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